"Where I’ve Been: Navigating Highs, Lows, and Living My Truth"
Where Have I Been?
I use to post on Get Off Your Asana by Kay Gee Facebook page every day for years. I mean, YEARS! So, it seems odd to me that I've wanted to blog forever but now hardly do. The other day, I resolved to post more. I know—I NEED to develop SMART goals (LOL, IYKYK). I planned to write two blog posts by yesterday, but that didn’t happen. Here I am today. And no, It’s not that I lack ideas or topics. I have more than enough, thanks to my ADHD brain. #adhd
Living My Best Life? Not Exactly.
A friend recently said that I’ve been living my best life, but that’s not exactly true. I’m on a relentless emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows, and it’s exhausting. The post-stroke fatigue is debilitating and is VERY REAL. So, here I am, balancing a full-time job (usually more than just one day on-site), teaching yoga once a week, and maintaining our home. It might not sound like much to others, but for me, it’s a LOT! Recently, I’ve also started exercising consistently, but that’s a story for another time.
The Weekend Curveball
This past weekend, late Saturday night, I received an unsettling email from my doctor. While not entirely unexpected, it was still disheartening—a new hurdle I was too tired to face. I texted my sisters to share. One reminded me to sleep and give my brain some love, and the other promised to support me in any way she could, acknowledging how exhausted I must be. I told them both that I couldn’t believe my life. One sister reassured me, saying everyone feels that way sometimes and reminded me of my strong support system. Instantly, guilt crept in. In two days, it would be the anniversary of my brother-in-law’s (her husband’s) death. How could I complain when I still have the chance to fight?
The Decision to Keep Going
That night, I made up my mind to push forward. What other choice did I have? Still, I couldn’t shake the worry that my comment may have upset my sister, and I didn’t sleep well.
Sunday Struggles and Monday’s Realization
Sunday came, and I was exhausted from the lack of sleep. By Monday, I was agitated—fatigue at its worst. That morning, I decided: no more doing things that weren’t good for me or interacting with people who didn’t align with me. I HAD TO COME FIRST. Protecting my physical and social energy was a necessity. It was a rough day, but the realization was necessary.
A Special Yoga Class
Despite the exhaustion, I had committed to subbing a yoga class after a full workday (something I can’t plan ahead for anymore). But as I often say, “What you want to do the least is probably what you need the most,” and that was true that day. For the first time in three years, I shared with my class why I started yoga. The emotion was unplanned, and I found myself crying, raw and vulnerable.
Eighteen years ago, my brother-in-law passed away from lymphoma, only nine months after diagnosis. The loss was devastating. To cope with the depression, I turned to yoga, and it changed everything. Back then, yoga wasn’t mainstream, but I committed. I often wonder what Larry would think of me now, embracing holistic health and yoga. While it probably wouldn’t have been his “thing,” I hope he’d be proud of me. That thought is important to me. November 4th was the 18th anniversary of his death.
An Unexpected Boost
After class, a gentleman approached me and reintroduced himself. He asked if I was back to teaching on Monday nights. He had started attending before I got sick and was disappointed to hear I wasn’t teaching during the week anymore because, according to him, I was the best. His words lifted me more than he probably realized.
Processing My Stroke
During the class, I mentioned that while I hadn’t felt sorry for myself since the stroke, I have been feeling that way lately. Therapy over the summer helped me with immediate issues, but I haven’t fully processed the stroke itself. Recently,the “why me?” question and disbelief has been persistent. I was doing everything “right”—exercising, eating healthy—and yet, it happened. For God’s sake, I was teaching yoga three days a week. My friend Mary Jo reminded me that there’s no rhyme or reason to it, and my husband often says the most important thing is that I survived. But processing it is still hard, and the sadness lingers. It’s a stark reminder that this could happen to anyone and that we should cherish every day.
Today’s Small Victory
I took today off to rest and recuperate. While I didn’t nap, I managed to write this blog post, crossing something off my list. I also apologized to my yoga friends for crying and feeling sorry for myself, admitting that’s not who I want to be. My friend Debi texted me back and reassured me that showing emotion and saying, “Oh shit, why me?” doesn’t define me. Her support lifted me and reminded me of the value of having the right people in my life.
A Final Note
Before signing off, I want to share that I voted today. I was nervous—trying new things post-stroke makes me anxious—but I did it, hands shaking and all. The stroke has forced me to live my yoga, and today I am practicing non-attachment. Regardless of the outcome of the election, I’ll keep striving to be the best, most authentic version of myself and I hope you will do the same! I will continue being the best yoga teacher I can be for my students.
What about you? Have you ever faced a challenge that forced you to rethink your priorities or push forward despite feeling exhausted? How did you protect your energy and stay true to yourself? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Your stories inspire me as much as I hope mine inspire you.
