Karen 2.0: Reinventing Myself
Karen 2.0: Reinventing Myself
Guess who’s back, back again? Karen’s back, tell a friend! (Na-na-na, na, na, na, na, na, na). Yes, that’s from Eminem’s Without Me, because lately, I’ve become just a little obsessed with him. #fangirl. After reading his book and finally watching 8 Mile, I’m hooked. He’s amaze-balls, raw, authentic—yes, d#mn sexy.
Before my husband protests (or anyone gets things twisted), let me clarify: I’m alive and kicking, thank you very much! But this Slim Shady phase is so real that I’ve even been dreaming about him. There’s just something about his vibe. Okay, I’ll stop before this turns into a love letter to Eminem. Lol.
The Weight of Loss
In yoga last week, I said out loud, “Since the stroke, I’ve lost so much.” And then yesterday, I found out my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner is retiring. Cue another wave of sadness. Loss has been a recurring theme for me, and it’s got me reflecting deeply. As I am not so sure what or why I am feeling such a profound feeling of loss, of grief.
Here’s the thing: I’m one of the “lucky” ones. So, what have I really lost that’s so bad? My stress? My anxiety? My people-pleasing tendencies? People who truly didn’t care a d#mn about me. Yes, I said it. Honestly, a lot of what’s gone needed to go. And yet, the sadness lingers.
It’s been 10 months since my stroke and brain bleed TODAY, and I’m still grieving my past self. My short-term memory is shot, my left hand has “issues,” and I’m constantly fatigued. In the grand scheme of things, those are manageable. But there’s a strange sadness in looking back at who I was. There will always be me before stroke (BS) and then after stroke.
An occupational therapist recently reminded me that I experienced spontaneous healing of my paralysis. That’s incredible, and I’m so grateful. But when people call me “strong,” I feel like correcting them. I’m not strong—I’m resilient. I’ve endured. And God did the rest. So, yes! I am a walking MIRACLE!
The ADHD Connection
Before my stroke, I often fantasized about quitting everything and running away (IYKYK). At the time, I didn’t understand why. But last year, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and it all started to make sense. That urge to flee. Classic ADHD response, paired with my sassy Sagittarius nature. #explosion #boom.
Now, I’m making a conscious effort to slow down, respond instead of reacting, and keep my mouth shut when needed. It’s not easy, but I’m determined to stay grounded.
For example, last week I went out to breakfast with a friend. They said something that would’ve triggered an emotional response from the BS Karen. Instead, I held back, smiled, and simply said, “I want to be good.” That was a huge win for me, and I’m proud of myself. I now realize I have been doing this a lot more in other areas of my life too. I am learning to control my emotions rather than having my emotions control me. If you really know me, you know this is HUGE!
Setting boundaries and “controlling” myself is new territory for me, but I’m learning. And no, I am not perfect #perfectlyimperfect and still struggle. When my friend reminded me that everything happens in divine timing, I decided to embrace it. It actually calmed me down a little. I’m not religious, but I’ve always been spiritual. #yogaismyreligion. For me, yoga isn’t just postures—it’s a way of life. #moretocomeonthis. They reminded me that I don’t have to have everything figured out now. This was reinforced in a class I took last week where it was suggested that the universe is ready to give me more than I could even imagine in my wildest dreams. #onlygoodthingsplease #thankyoumore.
Grounding Myself in Growth
I’ve always admired people who can “just” give it to God or to source, or to the universe. I mean, how do they do that? #iamacontrolfreak Over the past several weeks, I’ve been learning to consciously surrender to something greater than myself. Here are some of the ways I am doing it:
Walking and eating nourishing foods
Taking baths (#always!)
Breathing intentionally
Practicing abhyanga (self-massage)
Pouring into relationships with those who pour into me
Exercising “regularly”
Praying before bed (a habit since childhood)
Reading devotionals or something spiritual every day
This year, I’m all in. Instead of cramming 10 readings into a day, I’m slowing down and truly absorbing just a few. I’m being more deliberate and intentional in all my actions.
Reinventing Myself
Lately, I’ve felt the pull to make a drastic change in my life but haven’t known where to start. When I confided in a friend that I felt like an imposter, they reminded me about divine timing again. They said maybe now I will “be better” than ever and authentically be able to provide ideas/information based on MY “real” experience.
Today, I had an epiphany: I am reinventing myself. I’m not the same person I was last year, and despite the sadness, I’m okay with that. If you knew me last year, you don’t know me now. Why? Because I don’t know who I even am … in my entirety.
So, who am I today and what do I know?
I am Karen 2.0.
I am strong. I am clear. I am grounded. I am independent. I am funny. I am sweet. I am caring. I am smart. I am thriving. I am fearless. I am confident. I know my worth. I am resilient. I am loving. I am a sassy Sag, in its truest form. I am spontaneous. I am light. I am fire. I am living my best life. I am inspiring. I am authentic. I am fierce. And as a friend reminded me the other day, I am a “winner.” Two other friends reminded me that I am also a #rockstar. Lol. I am becoming. #dropsmic
And while this sh#t is hard, I am going to live and one day die( very far off) with #noregrets. And as I apparently had told a friend BS, never settle. So, that’s my plan. And although, I am no longer a fan of hers, like Rachel Hollis said and I believe, “I AM MADE FOR MORE” (even though, I honestly have no idea what that means for me YET, but that has to be ok. #divinetiming. #karentwopointoh because I know Karen 2.0 is right on schedule. Everything is happening according to plan. Thank you universe. Thank you. #liveingratitudealways
