Sorry Not Sorry: Choosing me!
I am sorry to be missing in action AGAIN. Once more, I find myself starting with an apology for my absence. Where have I been? Everywhere and nowhere, all at once. And that leads me to today’s topic: I say “I’m sorry” far too much. I take accountability for anything and everything—why? Because I’m a people pleaser, through and through. It’s a habit I’m working to break.
I’ll never forget one of my first jobs during college. The woman who hired me made a casual comment about my long hair, and my immediate response was, “I’m sorry.” She looked at me, puzzled, and asked, “Why are you apologizing?” I had no answer. Decades later, that moment still sticks with me. It’s just one example of the countless times I’ve apologized unnecessarily. And after a while, those words start to ring hollow
For much of my life, I sought approval. I’ve come to understand some of the reasons why, but more importantly, I’ve realized it’s a habit I can change. These days, I’m pausing to reflect: Why do I prioritize others’ needs and feelings over my own? Why do I let expectations and opinions overshadow my inner voice? Why do I take someone else’s opinion as MY truth? Why do I trust others more than myself?
This clarity has deepened since my stroke and brain bleed—experiences that forced me to reevaluate nearly everything. They brought new insights into my life and relationships:
I’ve clarified my priorities.
I’ve set firm boundaries, recognizing they are essential for my well-being—even if not everyone understands.
I’ve learned that people often act in their own best interests, even while appearing to care about mine.
I’ve accepted that everyone has their own perspective, but their version of events doesn’t have to define my truth.
For too long, I allowed my feelings to be dismissed or invalidated, and I accepted that without question. Now, I see things differently. My emotions are valid, whether or not others agree. I’ve realized I need to “smallen” my circle—and I’m doing it!
Protecting my peace is now my priority. I’m grateful for the incredible support system I have—friends and family who have stood by me without judgment, even during my lowest moments. As for relationships that no longer align with my values or growth? I’ve learned it’s okay to let go. This isn’t about anger or blame; it’s about choosing ME and honoring my journey.
I’m still figuring things out, still finding my voice. When the time comes, I’ll say what needs to be said, but I’ll do so with kindness and clarity—and without an apology. After all, I’ve learned that I don’t need to accept anyone else’s truth as my own.
And honestly, I have no idea how today’s blog evolved, but here we are. I guess I needed to say it. #dropsmic
I’m going to challenge myself to not say “I’m sorry” for one day (unless I really screw up) starting tomorrow and then take it from there. How about you? Do you struggle with this? On a slightly different note, do you struggle with saying “no”? Yup, me too. But “no” is a full sentence. We don’t need to explain everything to everyone. Just say "no." I’m going to work on this, too. Join me! And again, if someone doesn’t understand sorry not sorry! lol.
