Finding Light in the Hard Days
Today started off pretty rough. Honestly, the anxiety was almost overwhelming, and all I wanted to do was cry. But it’s my husband’s birthYAY, and I’m determined to hold it together for him. He deserves a special day—especially after the past six months, which he humorously calls “the Karen show” (thanks for that, hon!). But today is all about him, and I want to make it memorable in a good way. Don’t worry, I haven’t lost my sense of humor.
So, first things first: last night was a struggle. I was texting a friend about something that’s been bothering me, and it kept me up all night. My sister would say I was busy creating stories in my head. Note to self: no texting after 8 PM—even on vacation! Those nighttime anxieties can really sneak up on you, can’t they?
Now, let’s talk about life after my stroke. At first, I felt so optimistic—like I’d been given a second chance at life! I was going to be better, stronger, more present and less stressed and live the life of my dreams! But that excitement didn’t stick around for long (trust me, there’s so much more to share about that later!). Reality hit hard, and we quickly realized I wasn’t exactly “okay.” We had no clue what lay ahead—and that’s a whole other blog post!
With this new lease on life, I still vowed to right some wrongs. One of those was reconnecting with my oldest sister. For reasons I still can’t quite pinpoint, we had drifted apart, but I really wanted to change that because she’s my sister, and I love her. I felt this strong urge to make things right.
A couple of weeks after my stroke, I sent her a heartfelt text, apologizing for not being a better sister. Admitting that was tough. Usually, I’m not shy about apologizing, but this felt different. Maybe it was because I was facing my past actions? Who knows. But her response brought me to tears—and it still does. She said, “Always good sisters! No regrets. I love you. Take care of you, and we’ll take care of us.”
From that moment on, she became my rock. I told her she needed to be my therapist! She showed me such empathy without sugarcoating anything. Our relationship blossomed; I could reach out day or night, and she always knew how to shift my perspective. Plus, she taught me how to set boundaries—something I really needed and continue to work on.
Early on in the hospital, I fixated on planting my spring bulbs. I was so eager to get home and do it, but I could barely muster the energy to get out of bed. I managed to plant them, but it was a real struggle. I texted her about how hard it was to stay positive. Her advice? “One moment, one breath at a time. Remember—slow and steady. You don’t even have to be positive. Think about your bulbs. They need time to settle. They’ll develop roots and eventually bloom. You will be okay.”
Wow, that hit home. All summer, I thought of myself as a bulb, swaying in the wind but eventually starting to live in color again. It was beautiful advice.
She reminded me that healing takes time, and I really resonated with that. Looking back, I see that I rushed my recovery (most times, I didn’t feel like I had a choice) just like I did with my bulbs. Many grew tall, but not all of them bloomed. Ugh! But they swayed beautifully, showing that progress can be more important than perfection. As my sister says, you never know where life will take you, so find beauty in your journey.
This morning, when I was feeling low, I texted my sister about my anxious thoughts. Her response? “Try building strong images in your mind. As a beautiful perennial, you’re filtering everything that comes your way and spreading your roots to find what you need.”
And she was spot on! I took a moment to appreciate my misty view, my cozy chair, the quiet, and my furry companion, Lily Rose. I even enjoyed some coffee with Baileys and a few mimosas. Suddenly, everything felt right in my world.
Oh, and now, a few hours later, the sun has come out—both literally and figuratively! It’s absolutely beautiful, brightening my day even more and lifting my spirits.
As we laze around today, sipping wine, spending time with our little loves, and enjoying some pot roast and cake, I’m reminded of the joy that simple moments bring. It’s all about being together and celebrating life, even amidst the ups and downs. Here’s to more days filled with laughter, love, and a little bit of magic!
Looking back, I wish I had kept dreaming earlier on. It has helped me so much during these difficult days. Focusing on what’s possible, not just what’s hard, has changed the way I approach things. So, keep dreaming and living, friends. Even on the hard days, there’s always a glimmer of light waiting to shine through! And yes, I am definitely solar-powered! LOL!
