The Pity Party is Over (for now anyway, lol)
And yes, the parties are coming more often. But, as two friends have told me recently, the parties are okay as long as I get back up. Honestly, it's not in my nature to stay there too long anyway, plus my support system won't allow me to. Depression is a common symptom post stroke, so I am not too bothered by it. And it’s a constant reminder that I am human.
After a good cry, I took my walk and finally showered and literally washed the stank off and put on my tie dye pjs (it was 5:00 after all) and reset my mind AGAIN. As I told a friend, now is my time to plan and start reenvisioning my comeback too (which I need a # for, IYKYK). One of the biggest misconceptions I’ve had to confront is the idea of a “new me.” The stroke didn’t give me a shiny, new identity to embrace; rather, it stripped away parts of me I thought were essential. It exposed the raw, vulnerable parts of myself that I’d been ignoring or masking for years. At first, I tried to push through with the same mindset I always had (but didn’t know I had)—tough, resilient, and determined. I thought if I could just keep going as I had before, everything would fall back into place. But what I realized is that healing isn’t linear and embracing the new normal means acknowledging that the past me is still part of who I am, but so is the version of me that’s still evolving. It can be disheartening AF but also so exciting. As someone told me today, I am HERE for a reason. And God knows, I am working hard to believe that.
In the meantime, tomorrow I have an in-home massage scheduled, a call with my OT, and a therapy appointment. I am determined to get my stress under control once and for all. It’s taken over my entire body and enough is enough. OH! And I am also taking ideas for my next tattoo … I was thinking something like … nevertheless she persisted OR something about resilience or never giving up. If you have an idea, let me know. And if I use your idea, you will win a prize from moi.
Last, if you are struggling tonight, get yourself a shower and wash that stank off and drink a bottle of water too. Then, turn in for an early night as God-willing we will be able to do “this” all over again tomorrow. Peace Out.
